Why does husband lie

A re you married to a liar? If you are, chances are good that your relationship will be tried by the mistrust, bitterness and anger that lying causes.

Read on to find out how to deal with a lying spouse. It can be very hard to understand why your partner would lie to you. So how do you deal with a partner who doesn't tell the truth?

Knowing his motive is crucial to how you respond — and whether and how you forgive. Why People Lie We appear to be hard-wired to lie — and it begins early in life; children as young as age 2 may lie when they discover that words can do amazing things.

Some people lie as a form of self-protection. Others do so to save themselves from punishment or conflict, or to gain acceptance from a group or get something else they want. Lying comes naturally to most of us. However, that doesn't mean some of those whoppers can't be damaging. It all depends on the lie and why you're telling it. But, of course, being able to trust your partner—and vice versa— is pretty important.

Without trust, a relationship cannot grow in a healthy manner. The former is just as bad as lying about it, Cilona says. While you can wait to be called out by your partner, you can also just put on your big girl pants and get real with them.

My ex was there and we caught up. For the first time in my life I feel in love. He gives me butterflies. Our sex life is phenomenal … Pretty much every night sometimes the mornings too. Best sex we have ever had.. We mutually agreed. We talk about everything and anything.

For the first time in my life I feel safe and secure. I told him this. I told him I feel physically and emotionally safe with him. We both love to make each other happy. All we want to do is spend more time together. He talks about moving to my home town so I can be happier and be with my family.

This is all his idea, unprovoked. I have previously caught him in lies. They are little dumb lies. The first was about him texting a girl from his work.

I knew he was doing it because I could see messages on this phone and then the next morning they would be deleted. Because I caught him in a lie I installed spyware at on his phone so I could see what he was doing. He was unaware. Text messages between him and this girl what platonic absolutely nothing sexual or emotionally inappropriate.

So I confronted him. He got a little angry and we worked it out. He told me he would never lie to me again. This issue has happened a few more times. Then he went and tattoo girl when I was flying back home and visiting my family in another state. Neglected to tell me about it I found out from Facebook.

But we worked through that and have had complete transparency because I needed time to learn to trust him again and we are still in that phase. Upon looking on his phone I saw a girl he searched for on his Facebook. Last night I find out she is the girl at the coffee stand next to his work.

He has searched a second girl that works there too. Hi Laura, After looking through the internet for help I came across your article.

My husband and I have been married since I consider him my best friend and my partner. We have been through a lot since we met. We were both drug addicts and over came that and now live a sober life. My husband and I have always been honest with each other and I have never had to question anything in our relationship. My husband recently got a new iPhone. The information on his phone is very personal we have bank information and other accounts on it. He has it set up to be unlocked only by his fingerprint.

We have never been the type of people to lock our phones. I understand that the information is very important and needs to be protected. I have never snooped in his phone and he has never had to Snoop through mine. Recently I was contacted by a lady on Instagram. She shared screenshots of a conversation between her and my husband. The conversation was inappropriate and it also contained information about him having an inappropriate video chat with another woman who randomly hit him up on Instagram.

I was crushed. I have lost all my trust in him. He was the last person I expected to hurt me. I once caught him masturbating to porn and he was embarrassed. Laura I had a horrible porn addiction.

I laid it down when I gave my life to Jesus. Satan tries to tempt me all the time and I never give in. I Know if I give in even once I will be right back in my addiction full speed. I love sex lol I really do I love trying new things and he knows that.

How can I get better at not letting these things effect my confidence? What can I do to not become crazy with worrying about my husband doing things behind my back? I want to trust him again. What can you suggest? My husband and I have been married for five years. My husband tends to lie about money. How can he be so cruel to say something like that when I know he got money from his parents? By the way, the only reason I know about that is that I snooped in his account.

But it hurts so much, and no matter how dire I tell him our finances are, he is still dishonest. Any suggestions? What if you do all that, and he still lies? For 16 years I thought I had the perfect marriage. Which is probably why it took me months to figure out he had been texting his ex girlfriend from high school. He had also made a secret facebook, and went to see her when he went to his hometown without me.

Since then I am a different person, whereas before this incident I completely trusted him, I no longer trust him at all. Not even a little bit. He claims he cut off all contact, but why should I believe him? Why should I believe anything that comes out of his mouth ever again? Hi, my husband lies all the time. About serious things, one was so serious I had county court officers come to our house to arrest him. Thankfully he was at work and it was left to me to sort out. The latest thing was he had a piece of paper with a number on.

He said he was a work colleagues number. I really feel he does it on purpose to mess with my head and I believe he believes his own lies. I have serious problem with my husband,always lying tell I coming home now but not came,after the next came tell all allying again,now I want to give up. This puts the onus on the woman to do all the work and just take the disrespect from her husband. He refuses to dump her and she refuses to leave.

He also lies about work and money. Before that, our relationship was not like this. In the past he would hv had very choice words for a man behaving like this. I have divorced myself from him emotionally.

Not going to let him hurt or disrespect me anymore. I am done. He says he does but he also wants his concubine. My husband has cheated on me several times and still chooses to lie about boundaries we have set.

How do I go about that one? When I act like nothing bothers me he hides and lies about things. When I approach him in a very calm mature manner so that we can have a real conversation he is rude and acts like he has done nothing and turns the conversation on me. He is now gone on deployment and instead of being sad or missing him I am less stressed and happy.

I have a newborn and a seven year old. I homeschool here kids and my stress level has gone way down since he left. We have only been married a little over a year. At this point I trust nothing he says and need proof for everything because I have caught him in so many lies. Literally he will lie even when I have proof of things.

When is it his turn. We also have a 1 year old. So ignore it and it will go away? Thats the jest of what Im reading. Ignorance is bliss! So I guess this would be true. When someone cheats, it is not up to the other person to behave in a certain way to get them to stop. It is not because they did something wrong, or failed to influence the other person in some way. The wife is responsible for her behavior. The husband is responsible for his.

Anybody trying to sell you a book to convince you otherwise is just preying on desperate broken-hearted people who have money and need a solution. If your husbands cheat, ladies, leave them and never look back. I caught my husband texting his ex girlfriend what should i do we are married now he still texting his ex girlfriend. Liars do not change — ever. Do not look back. Be strong and create a new and lovely life for yourself, and for your children. This is bull! Why should i have to do backflips to get my husband to tell the truth??

Nobody has to read books and practice techniques to get me to be honest. These men are losers! Dump them. We are not their mommies! They should have learned how to behave long time ago.

Girls…have a little dignity! We should not have to be responsible to fix a person with no moral code. It does not work!!!! But guess what snap back to reality it does happen ALOT. My husband lies to me constantly and in result of that our marriage is on the rocks. But what other ways can I stress to him lying is terrible I just want honesty?!!! I found out about it a month after it started by seeing texts that were sent. I love him and I believe in us and he knows this, what can I do to save this marriage please help.

Your advice encourages allowing a spouse a safe environment in which to cross a line that is a source of pain in the marriage.

Advice on dealing with lying in a marriage should provide a solution to confronting the spouse and unravelling the lies in such a way that the behaviour ceases, not just the lie. My Husband lies to me about God. I find it very disturbing and he down plays it.

For example because of the way he was treating me.. I told hm I would no longer participate until he chose to be kind. I knew you would back out. I am aware of the ministry of the Holy Spirit. I am aware the Holy Spirit will warn us of things to come. I am also aware of His leadings. After confronting him several times he finally admitted he had lied. This has happened on more then one occasion.

He will use Leadings.. He claims it is not. It is spiritual and emotional abuse, he claims it is not. My husband and I just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary yesterday and I mentioned how proud I am of him, especially with him no longer drinking liquor or beer, only red wine as he is not a friendly person to be around when he does.

Tonight, he came home acting strange, being secretive. When I asked if he was alright, he became super defensive. He came at me raising his voice, slurred speech also.

Being honest in a marriage is the sole foundation of the relationship. While we are individuals, transparency and honesty is expected. We both have done wrong. Both have moved on and forgave one another. But he still has had correspondence with this certain person. After stating he will no long communicate with that person. My husband has lied to me about porn, using various drugs like DMT, kratom, marijuana, lies big and small. That in combination with his depression became a huge problem and we separated for a few months.

I just let him move back in, after being very very clear about important honesty was and laying all the groundwork above, and I just learned hes been lying to me for MONTHS about injecting steroids. I keep getting hit after hit and I am so forgiving. I keep jumping back in and giving it my all but he is an inconsistent pathological liar. The only reason why I try to put differences aside is for our girls. We relocated of state for a fresh start, his mother pressure him to move back because of his children.

So suddenly he agreed to college, fixing the bathroom, and a new more expensive and safer vehicle. He fights me again about said spreadsheet, I asked if he had something to hide asked if he was again having an affair. I was accused of not being trusting, and that I need to get past the previous events etc.

He finally sent me the spreadsheet and I asked him about checks he wrote out if any where for school, books, doctor appointment etc. So, I am trying to balance my checkbook book with my bank statement,because he has paid my bills since starting school in September, and me not getting a job. I was put on all the accounts, I went online and set up an account,so I can now keep track of payments. I find one check made out to a woman he works with. I asked him about the amount and he said he had to pay his boss back for the trip to Vegas.

His boss is a man. So, questions burning in my mind. And why is it written to a woman he works for administration. Nothing adds up. When questioned, I get stonewalled, gaslighted, accused of non support, and not having trust. We stopped going to the couples therapy after our vacation and right before Covid, I actually decided to stop because he was never accountable, said he was sorry and was very frustrated with his negativity. He was supposed to go for his own therapy, therapist recommended and refused.

I feel like I am going crazy, not sure if my intuition is correct. I have been married for 16 years. I feel lost,hurt, betrayed and just looking for a truthful answer. Which with the lies and actions I think I know what the answer is. I am afraid he will never admit to it. I need closure and answers so I can move on toward forgiveness. I always am told by him I focus on the past and need to get over his lies. I feel like I have been walking on eggshells through this entire marriage.

I am so sorry for you!! I have been in your shoes! You are not crazy honey. He too is a narcissist. Seems more like a Covert Narcissistic.

He will never tell you the truth and he will never give you closure. Everything that is happening to you has already happened to me. I waited for closure, begged for the truth! Instead for you just like me resentment will set in. You will start distancing yourself without even realizing it. Today I am in the middle of a divorce. I know longer need closure, for in my heart I already know.

He was quiet all the time upon returning from out of town. Said he no longer requires intimate relations as much as he use to WHAT?? He was 48!!! I remember I felt like I was the luckiest woman in the world! He was a different person. My advise is to get out while you can.

If you stay eventually he will start RAGING, meaning scream to the top of his lungs in your face when you question him, in an attempt to silence you. This is a form of intimidation, also when I started walking on eggshells.

Then I warned him, if he does it again I will have him removed. Eventually everything he ever thought positive of me, became negative. Otherwise your whole demeanor will change to an unhappy you, no matter how hard you try not to.

If you can, try to gather proof especially the part where he made a check out to some unknown woman and lied to you. I never had full blown truth from either one of them.

But I knew. You will pick up little things. I demanded he come back into town and he did, but things were never the same.

If you need any more advise, help, or just someone to talk to feel free to email me, [email protected]. Blessings to you and I truly wish you the best!! My husband has been consistently lieing to in the 27 yrs we're together he was always talking about his ex when we were dating and was seeing her for a few months when we got married, he lied to me about the house we were to build and let his mother build it instead on her land,nothing is sacred in our marriage, she knows everything about us, our children etc,he smokes like a chimney and denys this, I think he should write a book of lies to tell your partner or anyone you have to lie to in any given situation because he comes out with some really good ones, he's quite stupid, he actually thinks I believe anything he's says.

I indeed resent him greatly, the mare sight of him turns my stomach. My husband constantly tells petty lies like He is 50 will it ever stop?

Typical gaslighting cheater! Google gaslighting, you might see a picture of him. Why do you stay? You sound Ike a wonderful person. I will pray that god somehow gives you the strength to move on. Good luck to you!! My husband lies about money. He surprises me instead of giving me warning.